all about emotional regulation

Understanding Your Nervous System & How to Gently Reset

Have you ever reacted more strongly than you meant to?
Felt anxious when there wasn’t a clear reason?
Or shut down even though you “knew” everything was okay?
That isn’t weakness.
It’s your nervous system trying to protect you.
Emotional regulation is our ability to return to balance after stress. To understand it, we need to briefly look at what happens inside the brain and body.

What's Happening Internally

Your nervous system has two main modes that constantly work together to keep you safe: the sympathetic and the parasympathetic systems:

• The sympathetic system is your “fight, flight or freeze” response - it speeds your heart rate, sharpens your focus, and prepares your body to deal with a perceived threat. This is incredibly helpful in real danger, but modern life can keep it switched on for emails, traffic, difficult conversations or even our own thoughts.
• The parasympathetic system is the opposite - it’s your “rest, digest and repair” state. It slows your breathing, relaxes your muscles, supports digestion and allows the body to heal. Emotional regulation isn’t about never activating the stress response - it’s about being able to return to calm, safety and balance once the moment has passed.
  
  

Key Elements of These Systems

The Amygdala – The Alarm System
The amygdala scans for danger. If it senses threat (real or perceived), it activates fight, flight, freeze or fawn. It reacts fast - often before logic steps in.

The Hypothalamus – The Messenger
The hypothalamus sends signals through the body, releasing stress hormones like adrenaline and cortisol. Heart rate rises. Breathing changes. Muscles tense. Your body prepares for survival.

The Vagus Nerve – The Reset Pathway
The vagus nerve helps activate the parasympathetic nervous system — your rest, digest, and healing state. When stimulated, heart rate slows, breathing deepens, and you feel safer. Emotional regulation is about helping the body switch back into this calmer state.

Science - Backed Ways To Regulate Your Emotions

• Movement: Walking, stretching, shaking out the arms, yoga, gardening - movement helps discharge stress hormones and tells the body the threat has passed.
• Breathwork:  Inhale deeply, all the way into your lower belly, for 3, exhale slowly  for 10. The longer exhales stimulate the vagus nerve and calm the system. Check out my video on loop breathing on my Freebies page, it's a simple technique that instantly helps to reset.
• EFT Tapping: Gentle tapping on acupressure points while acknowledging your feelings can lower cortisol and calm the amygdala. It combines body stimulation, emotional awareness, and self-acceptance. I have some instructions on how to do this on my Freebies page, and get in touch if you would like some support in learning and practising,
• Havening: Slow, rhythmic stroking of the arms or face sends soothing signals to the brain, reducing emotional intensity and increasing calming chemicals like serotonin.
• Cold Water: Splashing cold water on your face or finishing a shower cool activates the “dive reflex,” slowing heart rate and helping reset the nervous system.
• Humming, Singing and Chanting:Vibration stimulates the vagus nerve. Even quiet humming can shift your state.
• Progressive Muscle Relaxation: Focusing on and releasing muscle groups helps discharge stored tension and signals safety to the brain. There's a recording on my Freebie page for you to listen to!
• Rhythmic Repetition: Knitting, drumming, rocking gently, steady walking - predictable rhythm calms the amygdala.
• Nature Exposure: Spending 10–20 minutes outdoors lowers cortisol and supports nervous system balance.
• Social Connection: Safe connection regulates us deeply. Eye contact, conversation, laughter - we are wired to calm through co-regulation.
• Slow Bilateral Eye Movement: Slowly moving your eyes left and right (similar to EMDR-style techniques) can help process stress and shift out of threat mode. I can teach you this!
• Laughter: Laughter lowers stress hormones and improves vagal tone.
• Massage: Massage reduces cortisol and increases serotonin and dopamine. Safe, nurturing touch sends powerful signals of safety to the nervous system, helping muscles soften and the mind slow down.
• Reiki: Reiki works gently with the body’s energy system and nervous system. Many people report feeling deeply relaxed during and after a session. While research continues, studies suggest Reiki reduces stress and anxiety levels, likely by activating the parasympathetic response and supporting overall regulation. Reiki creates space for the body to remember safety.

A Multi-Technique Approach
You don’t have to use these techniques in isolation - in fact, they often work beautifully when combined into small, personalised reset routines. Just thinking about mums and how they calm their babies - they often rock, stroke, and hush all at once!

You might gently rock your body while practising Havening touch, or use humming alongside EFT tapping to calm both body and mind at the same time. Massage and Reiki can also complement each other, supporting deep physical relaxation while soothing the nervous system energetically.

The key is finding combinations that feel natural and regulating for you. When layered together, these simple practices can create a powerful sense of safety, helping your body shift more easily from stress back into balance.

Simple Vagus Nerve Reset Routines
If you’re feeling overwhelmed:

• Slow breathing (inhale 3, exhale 10), cross your arms over the front of your chest and do havening strokes, from top of arms down to elbows, while breathing steadily, telling yourself "I am safe in this moment."
• Slow breathing (inhale 3, exhale 10), gentle taps on your collarbone, saying or thinking  “I am safe in this moment.”
• Slow breathing (inhale 3, exhale 10), and move your head from side to side slowly, stretching your neck and shoulders gently, telling yourself "I am safe in this moment."
  ​

​Practise, Practise, Practice
The more you practise these techniques, the easier regulation becomes. Just like building strength in the gym, you are strengthening your nervous system through repetition. Over time, your body develops a kind of “muscle memory” for calm. You’re building new neural pathways that make it quicker and more natural to return to a regulated state. Instead of stress being your default, steadiness becomes more familiar. The body learns that it is safe. The mind learns that it can pause. And gradually, you may notice you feel less reactive, less overwhelmed, and more able to respond with clarity. Regulation isn’t a one-off fix - it’s a skill. And the more you practise, the more calm becomes your new normal.