Tips for Staying Patient with Your Teenager

Maintaining patience and understanding with teenagers

This is a topic close to my heart. As a mum of a 16 year old son (and an 11 year old), I would say this is my top struggle at the mo. How to be calm and patient with my son, and how to find the right balance of letting him ‘go’ and keeping him ‘safe’.
 
As a parent, it can be challenging to remain patient with your teenager, especially when they are going through the process of developing their own identity and autonomy. It is natural for parents to worry about their child's safety, well-being, and future, but it is important to remember that teenagers are still learning and making mistakes is a normal part of this process.

I have to remind myself daily of this, even after the 100th time of reminding him about the most simplest of things.  I’ve discovered he’s very auditory, so he hears what I am saying, he just doesn’t ‘see what I am on about, this was confirmed recently in a text message when he asked me to ‘bear with him as he’s still a kid and learning’, his paraphrase of a conversation we had the day before which I thought had fallen on deaf ears. He still didn’t see the huge pile of rubbish in his room that I had been on about…..
 
So, from my personal experience, here are some tips for parents on how to be patient with their teenager:
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1. Take a deep breath and count to ten. This may sound cliche, but it can be helpful in the heat of the moment to help you stay calm. When you feel yourself getting frustrated or annoyed, take a moment to calm down before reacting. I regularly use loop breathing to reduce anxiety in the heat of the moment, look for my blog post on that.
2. Set boundaries and expectations. Make sure that your teenager knows what you expect of them and the consequences for not meeting those expectations. This can help reduce conflict and give your teenager a sense of structure. They may ignore those boundaries, however being consistent with expectations and consequences is key.
3. Remember that your teenager is still learning. While it can be frustrating when they make mistakes or do things that you don't agree with, it is important to remember that they are still learning and growing. Try to be understanding and provide guidance rather than getting angry.
4. Practice active listening. When your teenager is talking to you, try to listen without interrupting or getting defensive. Show that you are interested in what they have to say and try to understand their perspective.  Now I know this is hard, because my teenager doesn’t talk to me, however I watch his body language and can pretty much see when he would like to instigate a discussion but doesn’t quite know how to broach it.
5. Don’t just rely on talking. Use other ways to communicate. Text is obvious because they always seem to have their phone to hand. I also regularly leave notes, or put post it notes in key places (snack cupboard, laundry basket etc)
6. Seek support. Being a parent can be tough, and it is okay to seek support from friends, family, or a therapist if you are struggling to be patient with your teenager. You are not alone that’s for sure.
   
   

By following these tips, you can be more patient with your teenager and work towards creating a more positive and supportive relationship with them.